Divorce (To tell or not to tell)
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Divorce! A nasty word or a relief? Whatever way you think about it, would you tell your spouse that you are filing a divorce and to expect the papers in the mail, or would you let the papers do all of the talking? Recently, I had a talk with a close friend and he has filed the papers with his lawyer to get a divorce from his wife of 16 years. They have one son together and they have been separated for over five years. On certain occasions, they would meet up to go to dinner, a movie, etc. There has been strife over the years of their marriage and he is fed up with the lies, cheating (she was with another woman) and the handling of money. Now he is no saint by any means, and he have told me that he had his faults too, but only because of what have transpired throughout the years. (Side note: I am not taking sides at all because there are always two sides of the story.) Long story short, he have filed for divorce but is not telling her. Of course you would think it is inevitable since they have been in separate households for five years (there have been marriages that survived after separation), but she think there is still hope in saving their marriage since they still go out, hold hands and be together sometimes. He had also mentioned that she have asked several times about divorce and if he wants to divorce her. He just stays silent. He wants to know if this is the right way to handle this?
My answer: If you are in a situation that you fear for your life if you leave, then by all means do it this way and stay safe! No need to even second guess that one, but in this situation I think it is unfair to her. Tell her! She is building up false hopes because you are not saying anything to her about divorcing her even when she asked you. You’ve had many chances to say it. In my opinion, once you had it in your heart AND mind to divorce her, everything should have been laid on the table! Both of you are not getting younger and life is too short to be wondering. If you are dead set on it, then don’t do any song and dance around the situation. Man up and say hey, I filed and expect the papers soon!
What would your answer be? Would you have said the same thing? Please feel free to comment here, or you can write me at firstname.lastname@example.org with your solution. If you have a situation that you would like me, and the readers, to opine on, don’t hesitate to send an email. I’m not an expert at all, but maybe my answer, or the readers’ answer may help you choose the right direction to go in! Until another post, LOVE TO YOU ALL!